We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is Oprah even human
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
