I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
