Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
