thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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