Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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