My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
