i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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