There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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