i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
