I'm passing your future prison.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
