I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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