Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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