Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
