I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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