I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
