Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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