You're so nebulous sometimes
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize