tell your sister to shave her snatch
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
