One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
