Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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