but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize