yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
