i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He better not be in your backpack
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
