I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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