Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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