he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
