apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
