she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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