dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
