He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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