I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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