what day is it and did you see me today?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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