I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize