I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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