there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's like iHOP with fire
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
