If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
