I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
