i think my mom watched the whole time
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I intend to get homeless drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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