I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize