Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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