Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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