I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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