She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
