man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
