Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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