Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
