That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it hurts more in the daytime
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
