We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
