His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
