Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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