I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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