Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
