i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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