He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
