It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
