Farmville is her only friend.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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