Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
