youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
