So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
