Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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