I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
