You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
