yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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