your parents love me but you hate me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
