So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
