So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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