It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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